Do you ever feel like you're losing your mind?
I mean, literally.
Does it ever steal your sanity and then run away from you so fast you can't find it?
I'm a firm believer that if you know you're crazy, then it makes you sane on a different level. Just like if you know you're stupid, that makes you smart in a different way. But even with that reasoning on my side, sometimes I legitimately feel like a crazy person.
I live about twenty-five to thirty minutes away from the church here so every morning during commute my brain has ample time to spin out about everything. (And it's not cute, babe. It's not.) And this morning was particularly terrible because I had "one of those mornings" where I signaled to get over into the next lane, merged, and then the lane ended! Don't laugh. It happens to people sometimes.
Or just me.
I shouldn't expect anything different. It's just like how I'm always the end of a long line. Why does nobody ever step into long lines after me? I'm always right on time to wait at the end. But none of this is the point! There I go spinning out again.
During the drive here (we're back to point one) I was really dwelling on this dream I had last night... which led me to feel emotions I thought were put to rest... which caused me to question whether my healing process was actually over... which made me ponder other aches and pains in my past... which made me feel selfish in comparison to the woman sharing her troubles on the radio at the exact same moment... which led me to realize I wasn't paying enough attention to the road (see a few paragraphs up if you need further proof)... which led me to ponder if life was passing me by like the road was... which led me to....
You see what I mean? It was a blessed relief to finally arrive at the church if for no other reason then to give me something to distract me from thinking.
A "bro" on my team in Australia once said something I've been thinking about a lot lately. He said, "Men's minds are like waffles and women's minds are like spaghetti. You may have heard that before. Men can compartmentalize, but women wind it all together. I like that we're different but I'll tell you the problem with women's brains. One bad piece of spaghetti and everything is ruined!"
Here is something I'm learning - having a mind as undisciplined as mine is a hinderance to fighting the good fight, running the good race. It definitely belongs in the category of "everything that hinders" (Hebrews 12:1). Especially when it comes to the most crucial element in the life of a saint, prayer. It's not a good thing to allow the mind to sweep you away to whatever destination seems good at the time. Praying out loud helps. But even then I'm learning I must exercise caution. This morning I was furiously whispering a thousand thoughts a minute for who-knows-how-long when I heard the Lord's gentle but firm reprimand that I was sending him a lot of words but not a whole lot of prayer.
... and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5b
It was then I was able to stop. Just stop... and spend some time with Jesus. I want to encourage any of you fellow crazys out there by sharing there is sanity to be found in your times with the Lord and in the word of God. What a comfort! There's a solution to be found when you pray to Him, amen?
Now to fix my driving problem...
I mean, literally.
Does it ever steal your sanity and then run away from you so fast you can't find it?
I'm a firm believer that if you know you're crazy, then it makes you sane on a different level. Just like if you know you're stupid, that makes you smart in a different way. But even with that reasoning on my side, sometimes I legitimately feel like a crazy person.
I live about twenty-five to thirty minutes away from the church here so every morning during commute my brain has ample time to spin out about everything. (And it's not cute, babe. It's not.) And this morning was particularly terrible because I had "one of those mornings" where I signaled to get over into the next lane, merged, and then the lane ended! Don't laugh. It happens to people sometimes.
Or just me.
I shouldn't expect anything different. It's just like how I'm always the end of a long line. Why does nobody ever step into long lines after me? I'm always right on time to wait at the end. But none of this is the point! There I go spinning out again.
During the drive here (we're back to point one) I was really dwelling on this dream I had last night... which led me to feel emotions I thought were put to rest... which caused me to question whether my healing process was actually over... which made me ponder other aches and pains in my past... which made me feel selfish in comparison to the woman sharing her troubles on the radio at the exact same moment... which led me to realize I wasn't paying enough attention to the road (see a few paragraphs up if you need further proof)... which led me to ponder if life was passing me by like the road was... which led me to....
You see what I mean? It was a blessed relief to finally arrive at the church if for no other reason then to give me something to distract me from thinking.
A "bro" on my team in Australia once said something I've been thinking about a lot lately. He said, "Men's minds are like waffles and women's minds are like spaghetti. You may have heard that before. Men can compartmentalize, but women wind it all together. I like that we're different but I'll tell you the problem with women's brains. One bad piece of spaghetti and everything is ruined!"
Here is something I'm learning - having a mind as undisciplined as mine is a hinderance to fighting the good fight, running the good race. It definitely belongs in the category of "everything that hinders" (Hebrews 12:1). Especially when it comes to the most crucial element in the life of a saint, prayer. It's not a good thing to allow the mind to sweep you away to whatever destination seems good at the time. Praying out loud helps. But even then I'm learning I must exercise caution. This morning I was furiously whispering a thousand thoughts a minute for who-knows-how-long when I heard the Lord's gentle but firm reprimand that I was sending him a lot of words but not a whole lot of prayer.
... and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5b
It was then I was able to stop. Just stop... and spend some time with Jesus. I want to encourage any of you fellow crazys out there by sharing there is sanity to be found in your times with the Lord and in the word of God. What a comfort! There's a solution to be found when you pray to Him, amen?
Now to fix my driving problem...
Yes, I do feel like I'm losing my mind...and yes, I think I may be a better driver than you :-) I've got many years on you. And yes, prayer and time in the Word, and time in His presence really does bring refreshment to the thirsty soul. I'm so glad your blog has returned...I've missed you H!
ReplyDeleteIf you think you are losing your mind, now...what is going to happen when you are my age. Lord, Help! Seriously... LORD HELP!
ReplyDeleteGirly you seem to always speak the truth and this was so good to hear....well not the fact that your mind (which is normally circulating a mere 50,000,000 at once anyways, because well...you are you, and always have a lot on your mind lol), but the fact that you are continually seeking the Lord through all the craziness you are experiencing. Also, I love how you are not just "talking at Him," but the fact that you are conversing with your Maker is awesome and so effective. Prayer is powerful and effective my dear, i KNOW you know that. :) I miss you and seriously cannot wait to hear of all God has done thus far, and what He doing even at this very moment.
ReplyDelete