Thursday, January 13, 2011


My brain kind of spaced for a bit when it came to finding a title for this post. Spoiler alert! This "blog" is about meaningful conversations. No song in particular came to mind so I did the logical thing and typed "songs about talking" into the google search engine. Turns out that most songs about talking are rap songs with a lot of cussing. Don't get me wrong...I ain't judgin' lil' wayne. But if I correctly understood the lyrics to his song (which is a big "if" because I'm not one hundred percent sure he was speaking English) that type of talking wasn't really what I meant to refer to...

By the way, you should never judge a person for what they search for on google. Sometimes google can totally corrupt your innocent search by misinterpreting what you meant to search for...
Side note: Never type "virgin mary" into google images.

    Talking with people can be really hard to do. Allow me to clarify something right away. Saying words is easy. I'm not referring to the fifty word chat that you have with the gal ringing up your purchases in a clothing store or the guy at the drive through window.Im referring to conversing with someone with intent; trying to find the right words to open the doors for a better relationship or perhaps to begin a relationship in the first place. I truly believe the ability to have meaningful conversation is a skill. One that I unfortunately lack.
I work as a nanny. Every week, Monday throught Friday, I pick up my kids from school.
Side note: I have gotten in the habit of calling them “my” kids. This confuses people. Ususally it results in sympothetic and/or questioning glances and the occasional “Wow, you look great for having popped out three kids!” I suppose it could be worse…they could say “Wow, you look terrible for having popped out three kids.” That would suck to hear. Looking like the mother of a ten year old is bad enough without looking like a frumpy mother of a ten year old. Let me be clear. I hope I don’t look like the mother of a ten year old at all…but given the choice I’d pick hot mom.

Anyways, back to the story. There is another nanny who picks up “her” kids every day at the same time. Her youngest little one is in the same class as my youngest little one and her oldest gets out at the same time as my oldest. (I forgot to mention. Every day the kiddies and I have to wait half an hour for their brother to get out of class. Just enough time to get bored and too little time to go home…perfect.) So every day we sit about two feet from each other and wait while “our” kids play on the playground.
     A few weeks ago I had one of those moments where God whispers to you and tells you exactly what He wants you to do. I hate those. You always freeze for a moment and will yourself with all your might to go back eight seconds and be too busy to hear it…never works. You just know it was the Holy Spirit speaking to you. What did He say this time? You guessed it!

Go talk to her.

     What? Why? We have been sitting literally two feet from each other every day for weeks and we have never said a word to each other. Why now? 

Oh great…now you don’t speak to me?!

     So I went up and talked to her and it was the best conversation you could imagine! She really opened up to me and we laughed and yes, even cried together. We braided each other's hair and told each other secrets and even found out that we were long lost sisters! What a sweet thing to meet at last!

No, not really.

I did exactly the wrong thing. I ignored the little voice. I didn't talk to her and we left just the same as any other day. The next day came and I did the same thing... went on my way and ignored her. Every day that went by the little voice became smaller and smaller until it became just a good idea that I once had and eventually it shrank to becoming the worse thing it could possibly become...a memory. 

The End... 

Im kidding!
Side note: A girlfriend suggested to me making my blog a video blog because all the dot, dot, dots in the world can't replace perfect comedic timing. Something to consider...(dot, dot, dot again)

Side note: I'm making a lot of side notes today. 

Last monday I finally decided to talk to her. It was a freezing winter day. Dry cold. That miserable kind of cold that makes your bones ache and your joints go stiff. Gosh, I'm old. (Not old enough to have had three kids though!) The conversation started like this...

Me: It's cold today. 
Oh perfect. Riveting conversation starter there hanners.
Her: Yeah.
Dot, Dot, Dot

I am pleased to say that it ended better then it began. We actually had a nice conversation... but (really not joking this time) I haven't seen her since! She hasn't been there to pick up the kids this whole week. 

Was my feeble attempt too little, too late? I sure hope not and I sure hope I know before heaven. I can't help but wonder how it would have been different if I had listened on the day the Holy Spirit told me to have a conversation with her. 

You're probably thinking at this point:
What's the point of her sharing this story? She is probably going to say this was the beginning of many lessons to be learned on her quest to become more like God. The quest she referred to in previous postings. I bet she thinks its unfortunate she was such a sucky failure in the first story she felt she should share. She is probably going to say that she hopes to make a better ending to this story in the days to come. She most likely is hoping God will work, even though she sucks at obeying. She makes a lot of side notes. She says "sucks" a lot. 

Well, if you're already thinking it... then I won't repeat it. 
Side note: I couldn't have put it better myself. 


    Healthy relationships are crucial to healthy lives. We need them. But they are hard to find, hard to begin, and hard to keep up with. Why do you think social networking websites are so popular? Because they are pseudo-relationships- close enough to the real thing to provide addicting instant gratification and far enough from the real thing to do real damage. I could post an entire blog about the similarities between what a facebook page can offer you compared to what a true friend could offer you. And it's not only facebook.
     In 2004, a movie came out called Shall We Dance starring Richard Gere, Jennifer Lopez, and Susan Sarandon. I don't necessarily recommend it, but there was this one scene that stated a truth forever burned in my brain. In the movie Susan Sarandon plays a wife who thinks her husband is cheating on her and she hires a private detective to follow him to find out the truth. After a short amount of time, she starts to feel guilty so she meets with the detective to tell him to stop. During their meeting, the detective questions her about marriage. Why do people even bother to get married, knowing the risks and heartaches that come with it? Susan Sarandon gets this dazed look on her face and responds:

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will be your witness." 

Sounds a lot like what twitter offers, doesn't it? The promise of twitter is this: Your life (the good things, the bad things, the mundane things) will not go unnoticed because those faceless readers will be your witnesses.
     I am not against social networking. I don't have a facebook page or twitter account; however, I see there are good things that can come with them. I just think it's important to be aware of the potential damage. As teens, we joke about facebook addictions all the time. Why can't we get off the darn thing? Could it be we are seeking a witness to give meaning to our lives? Could it be we believe the lie that a faceless reader gives our every day relevance?
      If you are one of my faithful readers (mom again) who read all the way to this point, you may be wondering what the actual harm is… I mean, if a computer website can replace the relevance a live witness adds to your life, and it is so similar you haven’t distinguished the difference, why worry about it? I think I worry for two reasons. One, because God intended us to have relationships with each other and doing things the way God intended is always worth it. And two, Twitter won’t cry with you when all the proverbial crap hits the fan…but a real friend worthy of investing in will. Maintaining a relationship which requires face to face connection is far more work then simply typing away and hitting the “post” button. But my thought process is this…whenever you replace something real with an imitation, however similar the imitation may be, there is always a price to pay. And in the end, I don’t think the cost will be worth it.
     To close, here is a thought that is perhaps worthy of consideration. What if the hunger deep down for relevance, for a witness to make the mundane worthy of noticing, isn't the evil? What if that desire was the reason God says relationships (both with Him and with each other) are so important?

What do you think? 

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Ok. Time for a deep breath. If you were one of the forty-something cyber-searchers who viewed my last post...

1. You're awesome. I sure am thankful you didn't have anything better to do with your time. 
2. You may be wondering where I am going to take this blog from here. 

This is probably a decent time to tell you that I wasn't joking when I said I have no idea! I still plan on posting whatever comes to my mind to talk about. However, my heart and mind have began a quest - a search for God that will hopefully make me a little more like Him each day. Through the total upheaval of my life circumstances (see post below) I believe the Lord has given me a precious gift. It's something that very few modern day Americans have - time. Jesus, it's yours. Do what you will.

From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.    Psalm 61:2

Im excited to share what happens.

Sunday, January 9, 2011


Prepare yourself. 
This blog is a serious one. 

In the past, I have tried to avoid posting about my personal woes. I know there are some "bloggers" out there who think of their blog as on online diary. I do not. I have no desire to bore my twenty-eight readers (shout out to the two from Malaysia!) to death. I try to write for the reader. However, as this day came to a close, I looked back and thought that perhaps there might be a thought or twenty worth sharing. I realized it is time for a change. So brace yourself faithful reader (mom) what you are about to read may cause you to fall into a deep sleep, make you want to switch over to watching hulu, or perhaps cause you to resort to count ceiling tiles. So sorry about that. But who knows? This post may speak to someone...

It's a new year and my life looks drastically different then the way I expected. 

If you were to ask me at the beginning of last year what I thought my life would be like on January 9, 2011, I would have asked you who you were and why you wanted to know. But for the sake of this blog, lets assume you're one of my friends and the question was asked sincerely, with your head tilted slightly to the side, nodding like you're hanging on to every word of my answer. I would have told you that by this time I would have graduated community college and would be preparing for the big move to real college. I would have said that my bangs would be grown out...but that would have just been wishful thinking seeing as every time I try to grow them out I become frustrated or bored a few weeks in and cut them again. I would have said that I would be a proud owner of a "big girl" credit card. I would have said that my special someone and I would be just past celebrating the one year mark in our relationship. I would have said that I would be ten pound lighter. (Spoiler alert! Im not. But tomorrow is monday so once again hopes are high. *See first blog.) I also would have said that I would feel a sense of accomplishment. I'm turning twenty this year. My teens are almost behind me! How grown up and validated I must be...

Just in case you forgot, didn't bother to read, or skimmed over the big bold sentence that started this train of thought...I will repeat.

It's a new year and my life looks drastically different then the way I expected.

I'm not going to real college this semester. I'm paying rent and working. I have bangs. No surprise. I still don't have a credit card. Screw you bank. Im single. Im the exact same weight. And when I pause to look at where I suddenly ended up, I feel as far from being accomplished as the economy is to being fixed. Actually, I don't know much about the economy, I just wanted to sound smart. Come to think of of my goals from last year was to become better informed about the issues. Ah! Fail!!

Also, to make everything worse...all of my plans seemed to fall apart at the end of last year. Am I such a failure that I couldn't even space out my failings to give myself adequate time to pull it all together?
It hurts being in my brain, it really does.

Anyways, the reason I bring this up is not to whine and moan. Even though I could...because this is a blog, and whining is what "bloggers" do. I'm not going to punch out a thousand words about the unfairness of the cosmic universe or elaborate on what a biotch lady fortune turned out to be. Because in fact, I believe the exact opposite.

Reader, I don't know what you think of God. I don't know who you think He is or if you even think of Him at all. But let me tell you something. God is sovereign. Everything is happening for a reason.

I was listening to the radio the other day and a man came on and began telling the listeners about his troubles. And my goodness, this man had more then his fair share of hard times. Needless to say - he put my bang dilemma to shame. And do you know what he told the listeners who were struggling? He said, "Hush. God is in it."

Hush. God is in it.

I don't know why my college plans fell through. I don't know why my relationship with that special someone didn't work out. I don't know why the bank wont give me a stinking credit card. I don't know why I am faced with a frightening amount of time and work that seems meaningless. And I don't know why my hairdresser will continually let me talk her into cutting my bangs even though I tell her I want to grow them out!! But there is something that I do know...

God. Is. In. It. 

And guess what reader? You lucky dog you! You get to see (or I guess read if you want to be literal) how God is in it because I am going to tell you as it's happening. God is moving. I can see it. I can feel it. Here we go. The next time someone asks me what my blog is about (stupid question but I am making a point here) I am going to answer its a record of the Lord Jesus making me more like Him every single day.

We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.
Proverbs 16:9

Confused? Me too! 
But over the next few weeks it will start to make sense. I hope you hang in there with me...