Monday, December 13, 2010


Have I told you about my baby? 
A few days ago I was lucky enough to become his adopted mother.
In his mind, he looks like this:

But in real life, he looks like this:

Naming him was a challenge. It was very much like naming a child.
Names are important!
They carry a great deal of meaning.

When you name a child, there are many things to consider. Names of ex-boyfriends, celebrities with bad reputations, bratty children already in your life, and certain family members are out of the question. Names that rhyme with swear words are not an option. Names that bear heavy associations should be carefully considered. For example, its a bad idea to name your kid Santa, Ginger, or Hitler. Names that destine the child for mocking are cruel and should be eliminated. I met a child named Alone the other day. Really?? Names that have six ways of pronouncing them (bre-ANNA, bre-AWNA...lets call the whole thing off) are off limits. In the Bible, names give you a clue into the person's whole character. Names are clearly significant to God.

I know in my heart it was no accident that I was named Hannah. Hannah is a Hebrew name that means "GRACE". My life is a testimony of God's grace. Grace has saved me, shaped me, and now sustains me. Before my encounter with God, I didn't like my name. I didn't think it sounded very pretty when you said it and I wanted to go by my middle name Elizabeth. But my name means so much to me now when I realize that the Lord gave it to me to remind me of all that he has done and will do for me. And ironically, Elizabeth means "CONSECRATED TO GOD".
There was just no escaping it...

When it came to naming my baby, I knew that I had to pick something significant. I originally named him "Sushi" but he didn't really care for it too much.
To be honest, after I thought about it, I didn't care for it too much either. I wanted to name him something special; something that would mean more then his inevitable fate.
(I didn't exactly tell my mom before I brought him home and she keeps threatening to eat him)

Then the perfect name came to me.
The morning before he came into my life, I read Hebrews 1:14 which says:
"Are not all angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation?"

Gabriel it is.
To remind me and encourage me.

Plus, perhaps bearing an angel's name will extend his life...
I don't think my mom was joking about eating him.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


I love Christmas.

However, being the "blogger" that I am with the brain that I have I simply can't let the Christmas season just go by without tossing out a few thoughts.

Why is Frosty the Snowman a smoker? I would think if you were made of snow and ice you wouldn't deal with things that smoke. I also think its a terrible influence on all the children he seems to enjoy hanging out with. Wait...why does he only hang out with children? Thats suspicious.

Why is Mary always dressed in blue? Blue is for boys. If I was designing the manger scene and I had to pick a color with which to dress Mary (Let be real. She was most likely wearing brown.) I would dress her in pink!
Or perhaps a sunny yellow...
Minty green if all else fails.

Why is baby Jesus always smiling? If I was a baby and you put my baby butt on a bed of straw swaddled with nothing but some strips of cloth you bet your tacky poinsettia I would be bawling.

Why do we hang a stocking? If the goal is to get a bunch of presents, you would think you would hang your largest article of clothing. For me, it would be my one piece pajamas with the feet. The whole thing. Thats right. Fill 'er up.

What happens when you roast a chestnut?

What is a chestnut?

And I could be wrong about this but...I don't think its that cold outside. I think that guy with the deep voice just wants that girl to stay overnight.

Merry Christmas

Thursday, December 2, 2010


The female heart and the hard boiled egg. 

Once upon the beginning of time, the Creator designed the egg. Flawless. Beautiful. Purposed to give life.

God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.

Then the egg fell. The egg fell into a pot of

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.

But all was not lost. Even though the egg could no longer reach the perfection of its original purpose, it still had so much value. It still contained life-giving nutrients and a richness that could nourish and sustain.

...she would become the mother of all the living

But there was a catch.

The goodness of the egg was surrounded by a shell.
The Creator purposely designed that shell. Strong enough to hold the beauty of life yet weak enough to be completely removed... the Creator intended one to come to free the egg for its true purpose.

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife...

It would be a delicate process. Sometimes the shell would stick. Sometimes it would slide off without the deserved effort and sometimes it would only come off bit by bit. The egg itself could crack if one was not careful and if dropped the egg would be of no further use.

Then the one intended to be the intended came along...

A long glance,
a moment,
and the pursuit began - a small crack appeared.

A confession from the heart,
a sweet kiss,
and quality time spent - a piece fell to the ground.

A promise made,
intent declared,
and trust was given - the crack in the shell branched and multiplied into ten.

And then intended and the intention were gone. And the egg was left with the broken pieces.

Do not gloat over me, my enemy! 
   Though I have fallen, I will rise. 
Though I sit in darkness, 
   the LORD will be my light.

Someday, as I am running with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength towards the Lord, I will look to my right or to my left and see someone running next to me.

Glorify the LORD with me; 
   let us exalt his name together.

Take my hand. Lets run this race together.


Dear Patsy Cline.Your classic song is fab and one hundred percent worthy of blog analysis. However, I am not going to devote this blog to the craziness of trying to find love. Should I ever decide to tackle that sticky subject, you will receive your well deserved shout out. In the meantime, I needed to borrow your song title for the following...

(Crazy) things that do not make sense to me:

  • songs about being special played to universal audiences
  • if accept and except mean such different things, why do they have to sound so similar?
  • urine is one of the cleanest substances around...shouldn't we wash our hands to go to the bathroom?
  • the appeal of the Robert Pattinson 
  • religious tolerance - if I don't tolerate you and you tell me I should be tolerant then your not tolerating my intolerance and we are right back where we started
  • the D grade - so...your so much of a failure you couldn't even fail all the way? 
  • the lyrics to "kiss from a rose"
  • uggs- boots that you can't wear in the rain
  • jumbo shrimp....?
  • jeans without the butt pockets
  • Obama's abs 
  • purchasing a coupon book
  • government money used to search for extraterrestrial we not have enough problems with the life on our own planet? 
  • children's bible stories- a brutal drowing of all mankind...but look at the cute little animal couples 
  • the difference between your and you're (yes, I am aware this is just me)
  • snack time at kid's soccer games - isn't exercise the point? 
  • lady gaga- whats that madonna? your upset because everyone thinks lady gaga did it first? Yes, I would be too
  • why we named serious diseases giggle-worthy names 
  • light mayonnaise 
  • going to dinner on the first date - nobody looks good while they are eating
Am I alone in these thoughts? 

Wednesday, December 1, 2010


This blog (titled after the popular jingle) is to display once again my love of irony.

Let me tell you a true story.
For a school field trip... let me stop right there.

Yes, I am in college. How am I still going on field trips in college!?!... What? Yes. I do go to community college, why?.... oh... never mind.

I went on a school field trip to a water and sewage plant to learn more about the recycling process of water. It was torture. Don't get me wrong! I am a big fan of recycling. I always recycle everything all the time except when I don't feel like it or if I forget.

I even dress like I am a person who recycles. You know what I am talking about... you see "me" all the time. Plaid shirts, vests, and no matter what style of shoe I wear they always seem to be some shade of diarrhea brown. And I always have a bag. Not a purse! A bag- complete with an over-the-shoulder strap and completely unnecessary amount of spare change and chapstick.

Anyways, they begin our tour of the water recycling plant with a lecture so long it would put any high school graduation speech to shame. Our guide went on and on about the garbage collecting in the ocean and the danger we have inflicted on the sea life due to our ignorance and selfish actions. But I don't remember too much of what the guide actually said because I was really thirsty and I didn't think it would be a good time to dig through all the junk in my oversized bag (I always have it) and pull out my plastic water bottle.

We then tour the plant. It was actually moderately interesting. There was even a thrilling moment where I almost died by falling into the buoyancy-reduced water. My fellow classmates and I furiously scribbled down notes as we went to ensure we got our full ten point of credit for being there. Well, that was my reason. One older student actually seemed interested. One younger student was drawing some animated character. It looked dangerous. One male student wasn't even making the effort to look like he was mentally present. And one female student forgot her pen.

Our tour guide was brilliant. She would say "Pay attention! I am about to give you an answer for your notes!" before she said anything she thought we should know whether it was in our notes or not and she would open her eyes extremely wide when she was making a point. This was so intimidating that even absent-minded-boy made the effort to tilt his head to the side and nod like he was listening. Her concluding speech heaped a fresh dose of guilt on our heads for our neglect of our precious planet and we all turned to bolt out as quickly as our sneakers could carry us....


Our (brilliant) tour guide called.

"I have a gift for you guys before you leave!"

I kid you not. She gave each and every one of us a PLASTIC BAG full of PAPER pamphlets that read... again, I kid you not....

You are the solution to pollution.

I almost dropped the whole "gift bag" down the nearest storm drain because the irony of a fisherman coming across poor Peppy the Porpoise choked to death on a plastic bag that states we are the solution to pollution was almost too great to resist. But fear not reader! I resisted the urge.

My personal longing to go to great lengths to achieve humorous irony aside...I leave you with a sincere thought. The truth is taking care of our planet is important and I believe the solution for our planet lies in individuals cutting back on personal wastefulness.

Live the change you want to see.

Saturday, October 16, 2010


Ok, I know. None of you have ever heard the song that this post is titled after. Truth is I typed "songs about old people" into google and this was the best result that popped up. Not wanting to be ignorant about the song titles that I use, I typed it into youtube to listen to it.

Its a bad song.

However, when a title is this B.A. you cant just ignore it and it was way better then
"That silver haired daddy of mine"
"The september of my years"
(not making this stuff up...)

"Grandma's hands".

Moving on! Why did I need a title about old people? Because I recently stumbled upon a bit of knowledge that I thought was worth sharing from my dear old nana.

Let me begin by saying this. I love my nana. I truly do. She is the only person that i know who will watch infomercials with me. She is also the only person I know who will actually buy the products on the informercials.

Side note: Those rotisserie chicken cookers work like magic! "Set it and forget it!" But the combination silk and terry-cloth bathrobe that comes with the chicken cooker (some of you may not receive it because ONLY the people who bought when my nana did during that limited time offer got those) is not all its cracked up to be.

My nana is Italian. Wikipedia puts it best...

Italians have greatly influenced and contributed to science, the arts,technologyculturecuisinesport and banking abroad and worldwide. Italian people are generally known for their regionalism, attention to clothing, family values and devoutness to the Christian faith and association with the Catholic Church.

Sounds good, doesn't it? Thank you wikipedia.

The truth is Italians love to eat but they don't like to eat alone...hence their devoutness to "family values" and culture. But thats not the point...

I have been told my whole life to listen to the old people. They are the ones with all the wisdom.

My nana is old and she has some wisdom. Sometimes the lessons come slowly over the one time that I learned not to save those mini pumpkins that you use for decoration on thanksgiving because you think they are plastic. No nana, those are real. And if you keep them in a drawer for a year they evolve into a form nobody should ever have to deal with...or smell. But sometimes her wisdom hits me in the brain like a truck going a thousand miles per hour. And this is the wisdom that I wish to share with the three people that read this blog...

"I have either said it the whole time or I have known it all along."

If thats not brilliant, I dont know what is...
I love my nana.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010


On a more serious note today...

"If a man or woman is called of God, it doesn't matter how difficult the circumstances may be. God orchestrates every force at work for His purpose in the end. If you will agree with God's purpose, He will bring not only your conscious level but also all the deeper levels of your life, which you yourself cannot reach, into perfect harmony."  -Oswald Chambers 

I have been overwhelmed by a certain message in the past few days. I have heard it in school, at work, from friends, and from my own mouth.

Live your life. 

Our time here on earth is so short. I have been hearing over and over again to live life and live it well. Live a meaningful life. Live a true life. Live a life of service. Live a life without regrets.

The constant repetition of this message that drives straight to my heart I believe to be from God.

Right now my life is in a constant state of upheaval. Its up and and its down. I don't know what is coming in the future and I am constantly plagued by a feeling of failure in the now. But if there is one thing that I have learned in my walk with God its this....

Living a meaningful life is living a life that is not about me

Its time to take all the energy and effort that I have been putting into making myself feel better and putting into my relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. Its then that I live.... truely live... my life.

Monday, September 27, 2010


I have decided to title every blog that I post with the title of a song. 

You may not have noticed this yet for two reasons. The first and most obvious reason is as of this post I have only posted two blogs. Is that the correct term?  "Blogs"?? That sounds awful. Thats a fair reason.

The second reason is the song that I choose to title the first "blog" is from High School Musical. I would say the odds are extremely good that the average reader would not admit to watching High School Musical in the first place... let alone admit to knowing the title of one of the songs. But don't worry, I know the truth. And if you are one of the precious few who joined me in singing "Livin' in my own world... didn't understand..." in your head when you saw the title of the previous posting and will openly admit it. I applaud your bravery. Rest assured that you are not alone.

The title of this posting It must be called a "posting" not a "blog". Good. For some reason the word "blog" makes me think of a fat guy. was a close contest between WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW IS LOVE and WHY CANT WE BE FRIENDS... you know, that song on the pepsi commercials. Its the one that goes...

Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? 
And then it goes...(you guessed it!)
Why can't we be friends?

I cant stand the song. It will stay in your head for hours! But I was seriously considering it because it helps emphasis the point I am about to make and it was sung by a band called WAR. I love irony.

Irony is the opposite of wrinkly.
(Thank you, Sam)

But in the end WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW IS LOVE won out because of its mass appeal and popularity. I had to pick something that would help people remember why they even read this stupid blog after realizing that the writer is a die hard High School Musical fan. And also, nobody can read the title without singing...

its the only thing that there's juuuusssttt too little of

... and i like the fact that you have to sing it. You just have to.

Fun fact. 

If your like me then sometimes when you look at a word for too long it starts to look misspelled. Gosh, I hope I spelled "misspelled" correctly. This just happened to me with the word "title". When I spelled it t-i-t-l-e it seemed too short and when I spelled it t-i-t-t-l-e it seemed too long. So I went to to my trusted dictionary and the correct spelling is in fact t-i-t-l-e. However, I have spell check on my computer and the little squiggly Dang. The word "squiggly" is in my spell check! red line did not appear for either of them. So I looked up the spelling t-i-t-t-l-e. And it turns out that is a word! It means:

1.  a small mark in printing or writing, esp a diacritic
2.  a jot; particle

How interesting.


It has come to my attention that there are some issues that are separating us as Americans. They are causing dissension among us. The fighting and the bickering.... I can ignore it no longer! There are few who see conflict for what it is and are willing to bravely step forward and bring the truth into the light for all to see. I am one of the few.

In this blog (posting? ugh!) I will not be able to address all of the issues that I see turning brother against brother... but I have chosen a select few in the hopes that those who read may see and understand and lay these arguments to rest! I am going to prove to you that this conflict need not be... because there is no conflict to begin with.

Unfortunately I fully expect heated steaming debate to rise like baking bread from this posting. How could it not when such personal feeling is involved? However, I advise those who feel themselves getting a little hot under the color to look to the song! Look to the song, man! What the world needs now is love... sweet love.


I can already feel the sure fury from dedicated sandwich lovers directed at me for daring to even think such a thought, let alone declare it in bold font. But the truth must be set free! You are being deceived. They are the exact same sandwiches.

In our society today, the people have chosen sides...

The subway side:
"Subway is way better then togo's! We don't measure out our meat on those little scales that we used to use for science experiments in high school! Just because most of our workers are in high school doesn't mean that we can't leave the childish tools behind, ok? Its time to graduate! We give you the meats sliced... the way you deserve. And look at the peppers that togo's put in your sandwich! They are whole! Stem and everything included...what? Are we animals now? Cut the pepper for heaven sake! Yeah, the whole pepper thing is weird. Also, have you seen the way they cut their sandwiches? It doesn't even look like a sandwich! It looks like a giant sandwich sushi roll! Really? If I wanted sandwich sushi, I would have asked for it!"

The togo's side:
"Togo's is way better then subway! At subway you can see over the counter! Imagine being able to see everything that goes on in the process of making your sandwich! Its a disgrace. A person shouldn't be able to see what goes on in the process of making their food, ok? Subway is taking all the magic and mystery out of sandwich making! And what is with the pizza? Oh, were a pizza joint now? Look at me! Im subway! I serve pizza! NO! You bite off more then you could chew Subway. And for the at togo's we don't ration our sauces, ok? I know that you have those little squirt bottles so that the customer only gets one soupy bite at the end, but we believe in letting them taste the sauce in every bite. You would do well to learn from us."

All over American, people have chosen a side and learned the choreographed dance fight (West Side Story reference! Boo ya!). But I feel compelled to tell you the truth. In the end, they are both the same sandwiches. The are both just meat and bread dressed up in veggies and sauces that kill the taste of the veggies. We need to accept them both equally... without choosing sides.

I know! I know. You claim you can taste the difference. To you I will respond... you are also the person who claims you can taste the difference between Hidden Valley ranch dressing and Kraft ranch dressing aren't you? My case sleeps.

The good news is all hope is not lost. There is something that both the subway soldiers and the togo's team members can agree on... quizno's commercials are the WORST!
Moving on...

The issue that has caused distention among young girls everywhere:
Which Twilight Movie is the best: They are the same. 

Ok, now they are just messing with us.

Which movie do you think is the best? A question that causes constant bickering and discussion...

I swear to you they have taken the same movie and released it three times... simply putting the scenes in different orders. Am I seriously the only person who suspects foul play? I have many friends who are fans of the movies and when I am asked the question "Which movie do you think is the best?" I am absolutely dumbfounded.

Girls, Lets be honest, boys don't argue about this particular issue. lets not allow ourselves to be struck dumb by abs and... whatever Robert Pattinson thinks he is bringing to the table. Lets just look at the facts. The only soul that is in danger is ours... its at risk from being separated from our sanity from spending countless hours debating which movie Jacob looks best in!

The third one. Duh.

I repeat myself. Lets not allow this debate to pull us apart.

And now, to the guys...
Survivor Man vs Man vs Wild: ...........

I have to be careful with this one. Every single member of the opposite sex that I have discussed this issue with has strong infallible opinions that they swear cannot be swayed.

You will notice that I didn't even dare to state that they were the exact same show Even though they are... because I knew that every man who read such a statement would come after me to attack me with a hunting knife that they learned how to use from watching one of them.

I also have another reason for not attacking this issue too strongly. My honey has a very strong opinion on this matter and I have no desire at this point to end our relationship.
I know.

Thats ok boys! If you must continue the Bear Oh my goodness, his name is BEAR. Grylls vs Survivorman because nobody even knows his real name all means go ahead. But we know the truth.


Yes, my boyfriend is on the man vs wild side... your point?


Look, there are so many more debates-that-are-not-debates I could address. Really? You think that there is a difference between Survivor season one and Survivor season thirty eight? Really?

But I think I have made my point. Lets not let these issues come between us. What the world needs now is what?....thats right.


We can always go back to what we know to be true. McDonald's fries are just plain better then In-n-out. I know that In-n-Out leads you to think that french fries can be "made fresh" but the truth is...nothing that is fried in oil can ever be described with the word "fresh". But if you choose to believe that, I cannot condemn you. We are all entitled to some self-delusion. I consider caesar salad to be a legitimate serving of vegetables. So there you go...

Saturday, September 25, 2010



Who was the genius that invented this? I type out all of my thoughts and with the click of a button I can pretend the whole world is reading them! That is awesome. The three days that I am going to spend committed to posting nonsense before I realize that nobody cares and fewer are actually reading it are going to be great.


Dont ever call me that. It sounds insulting. 


making an entry into a weblog or blog = online diary. : When John said he was busy blogging, Sally said he should get a life!

This little gem was copied and pasted directly off of

My inspiration. 

One monday I was sitting at my kitchen table eating oatmeal. It makes sense that I was eating oatmeal on a monday. Every single monday I begin a new attempt to eat healthier. 

every. single. monday.

Ah... nothing like willpower that is soaked in a steaming vat of self delusion. If you are female, you probably know what I am referring to...every sunday night its "Ugh! Look at me! Thats it! Nothing but salad for me until I die!" If you are male then you have probably assumed that the rest of this post has to do with exhausting process of female self analysis and have stopped reading at this point. However, if you are one of the bravest of the male specimen and have braved continued reading... I promise you that I will say no more on that topic. 

For now. 
But dont worry, if and when I ever dive into that madness I will warn you in plenty of time for you to make up an excuse to go do...anything else.

Im just going to say it.

I refuse to believe that anybody out there really likes to eat it. I think what people really like is the healthy feeling that you get from choosing to eat oatmeal.

Frank- So what did you eat for breakfast this morning?
Joe- I had oatmeal, it really sticks to your ribs! What did you have? 
Frank- Uh...I had a poptart...but it was the kind with no frosting! 
Joe- ........

Frank is now feeling shame. And by the way...he lied. Nobody eats the poptarts without frosting unless they buy it on accident. When a poptart doesn't have frosting its nothing more then a cracker with some nasty crap inside it.

Anyways, I am sitting at my kitchen counter eating (I'm much too ladylike to use the word "gagging" even though it is far more accurate) my bowl of instant oatmeal. It was the kind that comes in the little individual paper package. You tear it open, pour it into a bowl, and then carefully add a pre-measured amount of scalding water. If you are an individual who has never made instant oatmeal before...let me give you a helpful tip...

Every time.

Allow me to explain. The water-to-oatmeal-equilibrium that must be obtained for the ultimate texture (picture mud and baby vomit combined...thats what your going for) is an exact science and can only be achieved after you burn your fingers when the hot-as-hell water splashes out of the measuring cup as you try to pour in exactly the two cups and three ounces that that particular package of oatmeal demands. Yes, it is pain. Yes, it is sacrifice. But it is necessary. If you don't add enough water then you have no choice but to go without breakfast and instead spend your time caulking the tile in your kitchen with the inedible results left in your bowl. And if you add too much water (the more common mistake) you will have to endure the shame of people watching you drink it...shaking their heads at your stubborn determination to ignore good advice. 

I am not so haughty. I followed the steps to the letter. I poured the oatmeal into the bowl. It was apple and cinnamon... smelled delicious. I congratulated myself on my healthy choice. What a perfect way to start the day! Oatmeal! It will stick to my ribs! (Does anybody even know what that means?!!) I added the exact amount of (pre-measured!) water to the bowl. 

Covered it.

I know that I am already positively glowing with good health. 

I take my first bite. Disgusting. 
Are you supposed to chew oatmeal? 
I mean, it makes sense to chew it. Its technically a cereal. But you could swallow it without chewing a thick soup. As far as I know nobody laughs at you when you just swallow a thick soup. Its like whip cream! The choice is yours, right?

No, I have to chew it! What if I choke on it? It would be so humiliating to choke on OATMEAL! I can see the headline now...


How embarrassing! I have to chew it now. All this confusion is souring the taste of the apples and cinnamon that smelled so good just a second ago. Ugh... chewing it makes it worse. Now the nasty flavor is stuck in my teeth. Its coating my tongue with this wheaty shallac. 

I somehow manage to eat about half of it. You know...I am not really that hungry anymore. I guess this oatmeal is just sticking to my ribs! So thats what that means...

I tossed the rest of it into the garbage. It would have clogged the sink. 

My quest for health left me with nothing but three burned fingers and sticky ribs.  But thats ok...wheat bran is on the menu for next monday. 

I know what you are now thinking. How is this your inspiration for starting a blog? Well, do you know of any other format in which I could share these crucial-to-life thoughts which constantly bounce around in my head? 
Me either. 
Hence the blog.