Ok. Time for a deep breath. If you were one of the forty-something cyber-searchers who viewed my last post...

1. You're awesome. I sure am thankful you didn't have anything better to do with your time. 

2. You may be wondering where I am going to take this blog from here. 

This is probably a decent time to tell you that I wasn't joking when I said I have no idea! I still plan on posting whatever comes to my mind to talk about. However, my heart and mind have began a quest - a search for God that will hopefully make me a little more like Him each day. Through the total upheaval of my life circumstances (see post below) I believe the Lord has given me a precious gift. It's something that very few modern day Americans have - time. Jesus, it's yours. Do what you will.

From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.    Psalm 61:2


Im excited to share what happens.

THAT'S LIFE

Prepare yourself. 

This blog is a serious one. 

In the past, I have tried to avoid posting about my personal woes. I know there are some "bloggers" out there who think of their blog as on online diary. I do not. I have no desire to bore my twenty-eight readers (shout out to the two from Malaysia!) to death. I try to write for the reader. However, as this day came to a close, I looked back and thought that perhaps there might be a thought or twenty worth sharing. I realized it is time for a change. So brace yourself faithful reader (mom) what you are about to read may cause you to fall into a deep sleep, make you want to switch over to watching hulu, or perhaps cause you to resort to count ceiling tiles. So sorry about that. But who knows? This post may speak to someone...

It's a new year and my life looks drastically different then the way I expected. 

If you were to ask me at the beginning of last year what I thought my life would be like on January 9, 2011, I would have asked you who you were and why you wanted to know. But for the sake of this blog, lets assume you're one of my friends and the question was asked sincerely, with your head tilted slightly to the side, nodding like you're hanging on to every word of my answer. I would have told you that by this time I would have graduated community college and would be preparing for the big move to real college. I would have said that my bangs would be grown out...but that would have just been wishful thinking seeing as every time I try to grow them out I become frustrated or bored a few weeks in and cut them again. I would have said that I would be a proud owner of a "big girl" credit card. I would have said that my special someone and I would be just past celebrating the one year mark in our relationship. I would have said that I would be ten pound lighter. (Spoiler alert! Im not. But tomorrow is monday so once again hopes are high. *See first blog.) I also would have said that I would feel a sense of accomplishment. I'm turning twenty this year. My teens are almost behind me! How grown up and validated I must be...

Just in case you forgot, didn't bother to read, or skimmed over the big bold sentence that started this train of thought...I will repeat.

It's a new year and my life looks drastically different then the way I expected.

I'm not going to real college this semester. I'm paying rent and working. I have bangs. No surprise. I still don't have a credit card. Screw you bank. Im single. Im the exact same weight. And when I pause to look at where I suddenly ended up, I feel as far from being accomplished as the economy is to being fixed. Actually, I don't know much about the economy, I just wanted to sound smart. Come to think of it...one of my goals from last year was to become better informed about the issues. Ah! Fail!!

Also, to make everything worse...all of my plans seemed to fall apart at the end of last year. Am I such a failure that I couldn't even space out my failings to give myself adequate time to pull it all together?
It hurts being in my brain, it really does.

Anyways, the reason I bring this up is not to whine and moan. Even though I could...because this is a blog, and whining is what "bloggers" do. I'm not going to punch out a thousand words about the unfairness of the cosmic universe or elaborate on what a biotch lady fortune turned out to be. Because in fact, I believe the exact opposite.

Reader, I don't know what you think of God. I don't know who you think He is or if you even think of Him at all. But let me tell you something. God is sovereign. Everything is happening for a reason.

I was listening to the radio the other day and a man came on and began telling the listeners about his troubles. And my goodness, this man had more then his fair share of hard times. Needless to say - he put my bang dilemma to shame. And do you know what he told the listeners who were struggling? He said, "Hush. God is in it."

Hush. God is in it.

I don't know why my college plans fell through. I don't know why my relationship with that special someone didn't work out. I don't know why the bank wont give me a stinking credit card. I don't know why I am faced with a frightening amount of time and work that seems meaningless. And I don't know why my hairdresser will continually let me talk her into cutting my bangs even though I tell her I want to grow them out!! But there is something that I do know...

God. Is. In. It. 

And guess what reader? You lucky dog you! You get to see (or I guess read if you want to be literal) how God is in it because I am going to tell you as it's happening. God is moving. I can see it. I can feel it. Here we go. The next time someone asks me what my blog is about (stupid question but I am making a point here) I am going to answer its a record of the Lord Jesus making me more like Him every single day.

We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.

Proverbs 16:9

Confused? Me too! 

But over the next few weeks it will start to make sense. I hope you hang in there with me... 

JUST KEEP SWIMMING

Have I told you about my baby? 
A few days ago I was lucky enough to become his adopted mother.
In his mind, he looks like this:



But in real life, he looks like this:




Naming him was a challenge. It was very much like naming a child.
Names are important!
They carry a great deal of meaning.

When you name a child, there are many things to consider. Names of ex-boyfriends, celebrities with bad reputations, bratty children already in your life, and certain family members are out of the question. Names that rhyme with swear words are not an option. Names that bear heavy associations should be carefully considered. For example, its a bad idea to name your kid Santa, Ginger, or Hitler. Names that destine the child for mocking are cruel and should be eliminated. I met a child named Alone the other day. Really?? Names that have six ways of pronouncing them (bre-ANNA, bre-AWNA...lets call the whole thing off) are off limits. In the Bible, names give you a clue into the person's whole character. Names are clearly significant to God.

I know in my heart it was no accident that I was named Hannah. Hannah is a Hebrew name that means "GRACE". My life is a testimony of God's grace. Grace has saved me, shaped me, and now sustains me. Before my encounter with God, I didn't like my name. I didn't think it sounded very pretty when you said it and I wanted to go by my middle name Elizabeth. But my name means so much to me now when I realize that the Lord gave it to me to remind me of all that he has done and will do for me. And ironically, Elizabeth means "CONSECRATED TO GOD".
There was just no escaping it...
=]

When it came to naming my baby, I knew that I had to pick something significant. I originally named him "Sushi" but he didn't really care for it too much.
To be honest, after I thought about it, I didn't care for it too much either. I wanted to name him something special; something that would mean more then his inevitable fate.
(I didn't exactly tell my mom before I brought him home and she keeps threatening to eat him)

Then the perfect name came to me.
The morning before he came into my life, I read Hebrews 1:14 which says:
"Are not all angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation?"

Gabriel it is.
To remind me and encourage me.

Plus, perhaps bearing an angel's name will extend his life...
I don't think my mom was joking about eating him.