After "Why do fools fall in love?" broke my personal blogging record by receiving the highest number of page views on a single post thus far (thank you readers!), I knew it was time for a challenge. I decided to continue to explore the intriguing topic involving the search for that special someone by bravely delving into the male mind in an attempt to answer the question:
What are men looking for in a "Mrs. Right"?
After giving my straight-up, honest opinion from my female perspective, it seemed only fair to give the men a voice as well. And as a side note to my male and female readers, if you think I got it wrong or you simply have something to add, I would love to hear from you. Leave a comment or shoot me an e-mail. Make it interesting and there is a future post with your name on it.
Let me begin with an honest confession. Men do not make sense to me. Surprised? I was surprised. Does the fact that I was surprised surprise you? The fact that it surprises you surprises me. What was I saying? Oh yes, I remember. I was about to point out that while men constantly state women are the most confusing beings to ever walk the planet, men can be equally difficult to understand. Much of what I expected them to say was not said at all and many things I never considered were brought up multiple times. On several occasions I paused to shake my head and state, "No, that can't be true." And then I realized they probably do the same when reading my ramblings. Hence, men and women never understanding each other. I like that word. Hence.
This blog began with research. I approached about fifteen guys and asked them if they would step up, be brave, and give me the man version of the list I posted in the Valentines Day blog. I figured that was the best way to phrase the request because then if they say "no" it's like admitting they aren't brave. Issue a challenge, you know? Six got back to me. You whimps! ; )
In all fairness, I was asking for a lot. I didn't want a salad of an answer. I didn't want any of the lists to say:
-nice
-kind
or
-blonde (There is definitely a blog on that to follow)
I wanted a meat and potato answer. I wanted them to be brutally honest about what they were looking for. Hats off to all the manly men who got back to me! They completely shattered my expectations and gave me some answers I'm excited for the girls to read. Enough of my words though! Lets see what they had to say. More on my opinions on what they said to follow... whatever, it is my blog after all : )
The number one answer from each list:
(I didn't ask them or tell them to list them in any particular order. But I always wonder what comes to mind first, so just for the heck of it we will begin with this.)
The first thing on my list and I mean the most import thing is she must love God. I want her to burn with passion for the Lord and I believe it will be clearly evident in how she lives her life and treats others. Personally, it is incredibly sexy to me to see a woman who is completely and utterly in love with the Lord. I have seen too many relationships where only one person really loves the Lord and the other is simply faking it.
-James
She's gotta love God and be completely surrendered to Him. Her love for God has to be above all else. She shouldn't just consider him number one, but THE ONLY ONE. I mean sure, she has to be capable of loving a person, but not to the point where God and that person would be contending for her affection. That ain't how we roll. God should be in the center of her heart.
-David
Joy Is Contagious: We look for women who are excited about life and laugh at everything, even their own shortcomings. If you tripped and embarrassed yourself in front of all your friends or spilled something all over your white shirt, laugh about it! Don’t get all upset and defensive. A girl that smiles all the time without a reason is a breath of fresh mountain air! I know it’s not realistic to be happy all the time, but a joy personality can make a girl shine like the afternoon sun.
-George
A woman who models herself after the Proverbs 31:10-31 woman is awesome! the end.
What are men looking for in a "Mrs. Right"?
After giving my straight-up, honest opinion from my female perspective, it seemed only fair to give the men a voice as well. And as a side note to my male and female readers, if you think I got it wrong or you simply have something to add, I would love to hear from you. Leave a comment or shoot me an e-mail. Make it interesting and there is a future post with your name on it.
Let me begin with an honest confession. Men do not make sense to me. Surprised? I was surprised. Does the fact that I was surprised surprise you? The fact that it surprises you surprises me. What was I saying? Oh yes, I remember. I was about to point out that while men constantly state women are the most confusing beings to ever walk the planet, men can be equally difficult to understand. Much of what I expected them to say was not said at all and many things I never considered were brought up multiple times. On several occasions I paused to shake my head and state, "No, that can't be true." And then I realized they probably do the same when reading my ramblings. Hence, men and women never understanding each other. I like that word. Hence.
This blog began with research. I approached about fifteen guys and asked them if they would step up, be brave, and give me the man version of the list I posted in the Valentines Day blog. I figured that was the best way to phrase the request because then if they say "no" it's like admitting they aren't brave. Issue a challenge, you know? Six got back to me. You whimps! ; )
In all fairness, I was asking for a lot. I didn't want a salad of an answer. I didn't want any of the lists to say:
-nice
-kind
or
-blonde (There is definitely a blog on that to follow)
I wanted a meat and potato answer. I wanted them to be brutally honest about what they were looking for. Hats off to all the manly men who got back to me! They completely shattered my expectations and gave me some answers I'm excited for the girls to read. Enough of my words though! Lets see what they had to say. More on my opinions on what they said to follow... whatever, it is my blog after all : )
The number one answer from each list:
(I didn't ask them or tell them to list them in any particular order. But I always wonder what comes to mind first, so just for the heck of it we will begin with this.)
The first thing on my list and I mean the most import thing is she must love God. I want her to burn with passion for the Lord and I believe it will be clearly evident in how she lives her life and treats others. Personally, it is incredibly sexy to me to see a woman who is completely and utterly in love with the Lord. I have seen too many relationships where only one person really loves the Lord and the other is simply faking it.
-James
She's gotta love God and be completely surrendered to Him. Her love for God has to be above all else. She shouldn't just consider him number one, but THE ONLY ONE. I mean sure, she has to be capable of loving a person, but not to the point where God and that person would be contending for her affection. That ain't how we roll. God should be in the center of her heart.
-David
Joy Is Contagious: We look for women who are excited about life and laugh at everything, even their own shortcomings. If you tripped and embarrassed yourself in front of all your friends or spilled something all over your white shirt, laugh about it! Don’t get all upset and defensive. A girl that smiles all the time without a reason is a breath of fresh mountain air! I know it’s not realistic to be happy all the time, but a joy personality can make a girl shine like the afternoon sun.
-George
I want a girl who is secure in her faith, but not content with where she is. I want someone who is growing in their faith, not going through the motions. I want someone who is trusting in God, and trusting in in Him through me.-Edward A woman who models herself after the Proverbs 31:10-31 woman is awesome! the end.
Alright fine, I figure that would probably not satiate ya'll... I'll get more specific. I have learned that there is no sense making a list of specific details like hair, eye, or skin color, or certain other physical attributes that you know are attractive to blokes. The women I have been attracted to have generally been very different from each other physically, emotionally, and spiritually. There are some things that have been rock solid commonalities that these women have in common and what I (and hope most men) look for:
1) Her love for Jesus - Jesus is her first love and her life's pursuit. Her pursuit could be in ministry, work, motherhood, etc., but it must be Christ centered. If a woman doesn't qualify here, then I'm not going to even think about dating her. The way she worships, prays, or spends her time in the Word are not for me to pick apart because that is how she responds to her Savior's love.
-Henry
Reveres God.
-Elvis
What does she do?
She has to be willing to try new things. She has to be adventurous. I don’t mean like sky diving status but she is willing to expand her horizons.
-James
She isn't boring. She does stuff outside. She does things she hasn't done before and she challenges herself. I know it can be scary, but you don't know until you try. I don't mean that she goes out and goes on a three day white water rafting trip (although really cool), but something like a hike somewhere new, trying out for a recreational sports team, something... And if she is too busy or can't for whatever reason that's fine because there are always more important things to do anyway.
-Henry
She's gotta enjoy the little in life. You know, waking up to a sunny day, eating that last piece of chocolate cake, blasting Katy Perry in the car, dancing in front of the mirror, stuff like that.
-David
She needs to be involved in others lives, not a loner.-Edward How does she look?
She's gotta not care about her appearance so much. She's gotta be the type that can walk out of the house with no make-up, wearing sweats and a hoodie. Don't get me wrong, getting dressed up and looking her best is great and all (Guys do it too!), but she's gotta be willing to be seen with out all that, because it's really not all that important.
-David
Looking Good: Every guy that is trying to impress the female gender always drops the line “I think girls are beautiful even if they’re just wearing sweatpants and a baggy T-shirt” or something along those lines. While this is true, most of the time we like when a girl takes a little time to look nice for us. We want to know that the time we spend with you is a little more special than the time you spend with your girl-friends in your pj’s watching “How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days” and painting each others nails. Now that doesn’t mean you have to look like you’re going to the prom every time we see you, but just adding a little mascara can go a long way.
Dress Code: Modesty is actually attractive. Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to dress like a skank to get our attention.
-George
I want a girl who stuns me when she walks into a room. And never fear ladies, beauty is in the eye of the beholder so I don’t mean she has to be a size 1 and have a 33 DD(or whatever that measurement is). Beauty is relative, and so I know that the girl I end up marrying will be drop dead gorgeous (cowboy term ;] ) to me.
-James
She is real.
-Edward
She is real.
-Edward
What is she like?
Selflessness Is Sexy: Looks are important, but seeing a girl serve others at a party or sacrifice her time for a friend can up her attractiveness ten fold. There is no greater turn off, besides smoking, than a whining girl who thinks that the sun shines just for her. We may have our eyes on the tall blond when we first walk into the room but I guarantee that, at the end of the night, we’re going to be chasing after the girl who has a smile on her face as she’s cleaning up someone else’s mess. The girl who gives more than she receives.
-George
Determination and will - No push overs! She needs to be able to set a goal and reach it, meaning that she is capable of living independently. I think this better translates to how she manages her finances, daily activities (reading her Bible, devotional, etc.), and time management (this one covers most of the others I left out).
-Henry
She's gotta be willing to let her guard down. You know, share a secret or talk about below the surface stuff like how she'd been hurt in a previous relationship or if she has family drama. And she's gotta love to laugh, or at least appreciate some kind of humor. Even dry humor. Sometimes. If she can't laugh at things, then it wouldn't work because I say a lot of silly things, like "run and tell that, homeboy..." Besides, laughter is good for you. You can't be serious all the time. But she SHOULD be serious when it calls for it.
-David
I want a girl who needs me. Not necessarily financially, or economically, but a girl who genuinely needs...me. She CANNOT however be clingy...-Edward She has to be her own person. When I ask her what she thinks about either something I am wearing or a political issue she has her own opinion not just agreeing with me because she wants to please me.
-James
She respects herself and others. She is funny and street smart. Real smart? Sure!
-Elvis
Where is she going?
She also has to be going somewhere. She has to have dreams and goals. She has to want to do something with her life.
-James
A Foreword Motion: What Hannah said about men having direction applies just as much to women. We don’t care where you’re going as long as you’re going. We’re looking for girls that get stuff done and follow through with their commitments. You don’t have to be on the dean’s list at Yale, but we would like to see you chasing after things, especially things that make you happy.
-George
She needs to be a hard worker, both spiritually persistent, and and physically willing to work!-Edward Tough Stuff:
She's gotta be honest with me regardless of if my feelings would get hurt. She's gotta be truthful and able to tell me things. Communication, yo. Also, along the lines of like rebuking me or pointing out stuff I do that isn't right. She's gotta be honest about that. Honest. She's gotta accept my failures. I fail, a lot. I think we all do. If she's unable to do that, then fights would end quickly... And in a bad way...
-David
She has to want to know my insecurities and quirks. She has to appreciate my little quirks. Maybe not love me because of them but NOT love me in spite of them. And I want to know her little insecurities. I want to see her with her makeup off. I don’t think love should be dependent on the cologne I am wearing or the clothes she is wearing. She has to let me into her struggles in life because one important aspect of a relationship is being there for one another through the tough time and I want to be there for her and vice versa.
-James
Love God, Then Me: We know that it’s our job, as men, to be the spiritual leaders, but we’re looking for a woman who is in love with their creator. We want a girl that pushes us. That spurs us on in our walk with God. We can’t chase after a girl that isn’t chasing after Christ because we’ll eventually become stale ourselves. I want a girl that puts God first and foremost, seeking his council and wisdom about everything and that gives him the credit when blessings come her way. After all, men don’t mind taking second place as long as it’s to the creator of the universe.
-George
Other stuff:
Feminism: LET US BE GENTLEMEN! When I open the door for you, it’s because I want to sacrifice for you and show you that you’re important, not because I think you’re too weak to open the door yourself! (Unless the room is on fire and the only door out is solid steel. In that case my reasoning for opening the door for a female would be lack of strength and because I don’t want to die). We do it because we want to SERVE you! Not because we doubt your capability!
-George
This is the deal breaker right here, she's gotta love Lord of the Rings. (I'm Joking LOL don't put this.)
-David
Health - It's important because I want her to live a long, fun, and eventful life. Junk food is okay every now and then, but she needs to treat her body well for the time it has been given to her. If she is active, then she is probably going to be in decent shape. I'm not looking for a woman who looks great in a two piece, but a woman who can keep up with me physically.
-George
Other stuff:
Feminism: LET US BE GENTLEMEN! When I open the door for you, it’s because I want to sacrifice for you and show you that you’re important, not because I think you’re too weak to open the door yourself! (Unless the room is on fire and the only door out is solid steel. In that case my reasoning for opening the door for a female would be lack of strength and because I don’t want to die). We do it because we want to SERVE you! Not because we doubt your capability!
-George
This is the deal breaker right here, she's gotta love Lord of the Rings. (I'm Joking LOL don't put this.)
-David
Her friends are supportive Godly people.-Edward Health - It's important because I want her to live a long, fun, and eventful life. Junk food is okay every now and then, but she needs to treat her body well for the time it has been given to her. If she is active, then she is probably going to be in decent shape. I'm not looking for a woman who looks great in a two piece, but a woman who can keep up with me physically.
-Henry
She also has to be married... to me.
-Elvis
Thanks again George, James, David, Edward, Henry, and Elvis. You are all kings.
I just read through this again because I wanted to know what I said and I read the thank you at the end. "You are all kings". I get the names now. Hahaha.
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